“What kind of man are you dating if he can’t buy you a smartphone? You should better be like me and stop having sex with men who can’t even buy you a simple smartphone.” These words were part of a phone conversation between a young nursing student in Buea and her friend recently.
As she headed to campus that morning, she couldn’t hide her frustration as she scolded her friend for staying in a relationship with a man who couldn’t provide her with a telephone.
This reflects a trend among young girls in Buea, who, faced with unemployment, economic hardship, and the desire for extravant lifestyles, have turned romance into business.
Men who approach such girls for a meaningful, long-lasting relationship are immediately turned down if they have no money.
While I eavesdropped on the telephone conversation between those two girls, it reminded me of a girl I met and expressed interest in dating her.
“Do you have money?” This girl, whose name I have withheld, bluntly asked me.
I did not understand how my interest in dating her was related to my finances.
But I tried convincing her that I was looking for a relationship and not buying her like an item.
“I can’t date a broke guy,” replied and walked away.
This young woman, like many others in Buea, reflects a mindset where financial support has become a key qualifier for relationships.
In 2020, I spoke with a final-year University of Buea student a few weeks before her graduation.
“After you graduate, what will you be doing to sustain life?” I asked her.
She replied: “I am a woman. After my graduation, I will go back to my parents and wait for a rich man who will marry me.”
Today, many now marry to escape poverty, not simply because they want companionship or love.
Marrying a rich man is the ultimate goal of many young women.
This mindset has contributed to cases of gender-based violence, as women endure abusive relationships to maintain financial security.
Parents, too, tend to discourage their daughters from marrying men who are not financially stable.
Hook-up business has been on the rise in Buea as many young women and girls find it difficult to provide for themselves.
In Buea, it is very common to find pictures of young girls circulating on social media forums as hookups.
Once a man identifies his choice, they agree on a price, and a girl comes to him.
These girls operate mostly in cabarets and nightclubs.
During a recent outing to a popular nightclub in Buea, I witnessed a conversation between a hookup girl and a potential client.
When this man expressed interest in having a one-night stand with her, she replied, “How much are you willing to pay?”
“Tell me how much you charge,” said the guy.
“25,000 FCFA,” she said.
Noticing that the guy was not comfortable with the price, she dropped the amount.
“The least I can take is 15,000,” she said.
This girl had a room in a hotel where she takes her customers.
This practice has become a common way for young women to earn money and survive
Another survival trend among young women in Buea is dating scammers, often referred to as “Ngess men.”
These scammers earn money by defrauding others, and when they succeed, it is celebrated as a major achievement.
In Buea, it is very common to hear a girl saying, “My guy don pick.”
It is popular slang among scammers to mean they have successfully scammed someone and have received the money.
These moments are characterised by extravagant celebrations as the scammers lavish themselves and their girlfriends with expensive gifts ranging from dresses to phones.
Recently I heard a young woman I know asking another if she didn’t have a scammer to recommend to her for dating.
The harsh economy, unemployment, and lack of opportunities for thousands of young people who graduate from the university every year have driven many young women in Buea to seek unconventional means to survive.
Whether through transactional relationships, hookups, or dating scammers, many are desperate to navigate the economic challenges.
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