“Truth as the Balm, Not the Blade”: Nso Elder Calls for Healing Amid Bandy Kiki Controversy

Tensions continue to simmer within the Nso community following the controversial traditional wedding of UK-based LGBTQ+ activist and researcher Bandy Kiki. The newlywed who now calls herself “Shey Lesbian” has been at the centre of both praise and congratulations and attacks. However, an elder has stepped forward, not to inflame but to invite healing. In a reflection shared with MMI and titled “Nso State Healing Wounds: The Shey Lesbian Scandal Invites Us to Pause and Reflect, Not with Blame, But with Compassion,” Sylvester Takwa Senyuyseghan urges the community to look beyond the headlines and seek deeper truths about tradition, morality, and collective responsibility.

Beyond the Individual

Sylvester Takwa Senyuyseghan starts by stating where he stands within the interpretation of what happened in the UK.

“Let me be unequivocal,” Senyuyseghan writes. “Shey Lesbian’s exploitation of sacred traditions is abhorrent, aberrant, and antithetical to NS cultural values. Her actions deserve condemnation, not deflection.”

However, the elder challenges the idea that Bandy Kiki alone embodies the crisis facing the Nso State. Rather, he posits that her highly publicised wedding and her adoption of the title “Shey Lesbian” are symptoms of a larger cultural malaise. He says it is a moral reckoning long deferred.

“Each scandal—Shey’s and those before her—is a stab wound: not clean, not accidental, but deliberate injuries inflicted on our collective spirit,” he notes.

The Bitter Pill: Truth

Senyuyseghan believes that the true scandal lies not in Kiki’s identity or actions, but rather in the “falsehoods” that Nso cultural structures have normalised over time. He accuses titleholders of compromising values, rituals being hollowed out, and ethical decay masked as tradition.

“For decades, NS normalised self-inflicted cultural wounds; title holders compromised by pressures, hollowed-out rituals, and ethical rot veiled as tradition,” he said.

The cure? Truth—however bitter. The elder invokes Maya Angelou’s words, “When you know better, do better,” as a guiding principle for communal restoration.

From Judgement to Compassion

Far from excusing Kiki’s choices, Senyuyseghan instead uses the moment as a mirror: one meant to spark introspection, not scapegoating.

“Shey Lesbian’s actions, while deeply troubling, are a mirror not to shame us, but to show us where love, empathy, and compassion can grow.”

In sharp contrast to calls for sanctions and public condemnation by institutions like the Nso Cultural and Development Association (NSODA), Senyuyseghan emphasizes healing over punishment. He speaks of “truths that honour tradition and diversity” and advocates for safe spaces where difficult conversations can unfold with care rather than judgement.

A New Story for Nso

The elder’s message is ultimately a hopeful one, calling on the community to rewrite its narrative. He says it should be a narrative rooted not in silence or shame but in shared humanity.

“To heal, we need not cast stones but to plant seeds,” he said. “Together, we can write a new story—one where truth becomes the balm, not the blade.”

A Community in the Crosswinds

The debate over Bandy Kiki’s wedding and the future of tradition in Nso remains a divisive issue. But as voices like Senyuyseghan’s emerge, offering bridges rather than barricades, a path forward is beginning to take shape—one that embraces both accountability and compassion.

Mimi Mefo Info