For every five court cases in Cameroon, two are about divorce. In 2018, a survey conducted revealed that the divorce rate in Cameroon as a whole stood at 6 percent. Another study ranked Cameroon 13th among 19 African countries with the highest divorce rate. According to a study by Allied Market Research, 29 percent of marriages in Cameroon end between 15-19 years.
Every passing Saturday in Cameroon comes with a new marriage. But hardly are these marriages lasting. What could be responsible for these divorces?
Continue reading the MMI exclusive interview with Reverend Amos Mbenben Kebei, a marriage and family counsellor. He is also an adjunct lecturer at The Institute for Marriage and Family Affairs (TIMFA), USA.
MMI: As a certified marriage and family counsellor, what do you think is the cause(s) of the divorce rate in Cameroon, which is on the rise?
The first major cause of divorce is the wrong foundation. When I talk about a wrong foundation, I am talking about inadequate preparation. Many people don’t have time to prepare for their marriage. They are in a haste to get into marriage, as they will be in a haste to get out of marriage. Even our Lord Jesus recommended to us in Matthew 19:3-4 that we should read it before we get into marriage. Today, people prepare for their wedding more than they prepare for their marriage.
A wedding is just a day, and many couples take time and money to prepare for that day. Many never take time to prepare for life after the wedding ceremony. What do you know about temperament, money management, sexual fulfilment, marital needs, etc.? Do you know that effective marital preparation could reduce the divorce rate by 30%?
Another cause of divorce is the inability of the couples to solve their marital challenges. Conflict will come in a marriage whether you like it or not. Marriage is the coming together of two persons who are different (gender, background, temperament, family of origin, etc.).
Their differences are already a sign that we will reason and see things from different perspectives. If you are not determined to fight for your marriage, divorce will be imminent. When these problems occur frequently, the parties involved will get tired and give up at a certain point in time. Take time to solve your marital problems.
Lack of marital fulfilment in marriage is a sure reason for divorce. Many people entered into marriage with terrible expectations. Their partners don’t know their expectations. Both become so unfulfilled in the marriage that they prefer to quit. For instance, a man’s three principal needs are respect, food, and sex. While that of the women is attention, love, and affection. When they don’t see it, they become frustrated and many times go in for divorce.
In my office, I have seen unfaithfulness as one of the major causes of divorce. Many people are so frustrated when they discover their spouse having an emotional affair or going out with another man or woman. They become so frustrated, and when nothing is done about it, they end their relationship. Women many times will accept men who have cheated, but it takes the grace of God for a man to accept you after you cheat on him.
Another cause of divorce is domestic violence. So many people have separated and left their homes because of domestic abuse or spousal abuse. Society knows only one form of abuse, and that is physical abuse. Many people are not going through physical abuse, but they are doing it through other forms of abuse: verbal, psychological, social, financial, economic, and sexual.
MMI: Also, what is it about marriage that most couples forget to take into consideration before the wedding?
Here they are!
● Marriage is not for children. Marriage is for grownups.
● Marriage was instituted for help. So you have to come into marriage knowing that you will help your spouse. The help should not be one-sided. The person will get tired.
● Marriage is also instituted so that the parties involved will share their lives together. Many couples don’t even spend time together. So how will they not divorce? In marriage, we talk about everything.
● In marriage, we are one. Your money becomes my money, and your money is my money.
● Their marriage will be what they will make it be. No one from outside can help you in marriage if you don’t need help.
MMI: We have heard reports of people being excited about love, and after weddings, marriages come crashing down
Yes, this is true. That is what is going on out there. This is in such a way that when I see a couple excited on the wedding day, I am asking in my heart, for how long? The reason is simple: what you have not prepared for will not stand the test of time. Lack of preparation is the key reason why their excitement doesn’t last.
MMI: What are the implications of divorce unions that already had children?
Divorce-deprived children within the context of a healthy family. These children grow up with disabilities. There is a role played by a woman in the life of children, just like there is a role played by a man in the life of children. Once one party is absent, a child is raised without some values. Children become very unstable. They keep moving from one house to another and, in most circumstances, are exposed to sex before their time. Remember, the mother or father will be bringing in another person to satisfy their sexual desires. One of the things that causes children to take their lives is loneliness. Children from divorced parents are truly lonely. The consequences of this lifestyle will be visible when they grow up in society. They will end up joining ocult groups just to find an identity.
MMI: Are these divorces only about Cameroon?
Permit me to share with you some statistics. This research was done in the USA in 2006.
60% of marriages in America break within five years, 58% in Britain, 56% in Belgium, 47% in Germany, 45% in South Africa, 26% in Israel, and 30% in Nigeria.
According to the January 2001 edition of Awake magazine, the divorce rate in Australia has nearly quadrupled since the early 1960s. In Britain, 4 out of 10 marriages break. Meanwhile in Canada and Japan, divorce affects about a third of marriages. In the United States of America since 1970, couples getting married have no more than a 50-50 chance of staying together. In Zimbabwe, divorce ends about two out of every five marriages.
Out of 29,611 weddings celebrated in Scotland in 1997, 12,222 had been broken by 2001.
Japanese health ministry statistics indicate that one in three marriages ends in divorce, while total divorce figures have more than doubled from just over 95,000 in 1970 to 200,955 in 1996.
The Census Bureau in the USA reports the divorce rate had quadrupled from 4.3 million in 1970 to 18.3 million in 1996.
So this is not only in Cameroon.
MMI: And lastly, what can be done to curb these alarming divorce rates among Cameroonian couples?
Effective preparation is key. We have the Dominion Singles and Married Academy (DSMA), which is training Cameroonians to build healthy homes, and many other marriage institutions in the country. The results are amazing. We also encourage the government to insist on marital preparation before marriage.
Churches should ensure that they prepare their couples well before marriage. Parents as well should protect their children by getting informed about healthy relationships and marriages. It can help them prepare their children as well. Many times these parents force their children into marriage when they know they are not yet prepared.
This interview was conducted by Njong Shey
